My name is Mary. I am 14 years old. I am pregnant, with God’s child. His name will be called Jesus, Messiah, and God with us! I know it sounds crazy to you; it sounded as equally bizarre and ridiculous to me, as your younger generations would say when the angel Gabriel first appeared to me. What would people say? What would happen to me? Would Joseph still marry me? I would be an unwed mother and so young? In my culture this is a big situation. I am shaking right now just thinking back to it. Joseph could legally break our engagement and I would at best be an outsider to my culture. So it was a pretty intense! I was amazed at Joseph because he did not act like the law required but like the one who I was carrying in my womb would act as an adult. He acted like Jesus. He planned to marry me quietly to avoid all kinds of difficulties for both of us. Even though our marriage was arranged according to customs and culture of the day, we both loved one another. In your language he was a “Rock star!” I am a bit saddened that he is never really heard of again because he was a great husband and father. He loved me and his children; Jesus and James.
But I am getting ahead of myself a bit. It was the “fullness of times.” The prophets had made mention of the Messiah to come, he is our hope. However, YHWH had been silent for many centuries. We had been waiting for nearly 400 years since YHWH had spoken through the prophet Malachi. Waiting is important to spiritual growth because anticipation makes us yearn, long for, wonder about, and suffer for a better tomorrow. This is very difficult in your culture today. It is very transformational and part of your liminality, you’re becoming, so to simulate waiting in lent and advent is important to the arrival. Waiting does not diminish us; any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in waiting. We are enlarged because we are made smaller. In being made smaller we become bigger. We, of course, do not see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the smaller and therefore, larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy! It was the “fullness of times” because we had waited so long, and we were pregnant for the one, the great interruption, God incarnate!
When the angel, Gabriel, first appeared to me, I was a bit stunned. It was like I was on your TV show The Ghost Whisperer. I was blown away! His appearance was certainly a great interruption. I really believed with my whole heart, mind and soul what we were waiting for but it came so quickly and I was confused. What Joseph would say was the least of my worries. The real question is, “Did I really believe and be-live my faith?” Could I say Yes to Gabriel? I was afraid. I hid my face. My heart raced, I mean it felt like my heart was coming out of my chest. I became dizzy. I almost fainted. The palms of my hands got clammy and even my feet were sweating which is not easy considering I was wearing cheap sandals, from Target. The angel said, “Do not be afraid.” Immediately these words touched my heart and I felt the presence of the holy one warm me from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. Some of you have experienced this when YHWH has come upon you. It is a very common sensation, to feel warmed, when the Holy Spirit moves in.
Gabriel said I would carry the Messiah in my womb. I had more questions than anything else. Was I the first one to be asked? What if I was plan B? Did I really believe in God, the Messiah, and the promise that the Messiah was to be born of a virgin, like Isaiah had foretold? Did it matter? The real issue is, would I say, YES? Then came the moment of my daring audacity, I almost fainted when the words came out of my mouth. I was definitely light headed I could not believe I asked him. I asked, “How could this be, since I am a virgin?” I startled myself by saying that out loud and I really astonished the messenger. He was not ready for that one. I could see he held his breath awaiting my response. Would I say, YES? I did not even know at that moment what I would say. Thankfully, I continued in silence, processing the thoughts, feelings and my surroundings. As I look back on my anticipated response I realize now that I needed my imagination enlarged, even as a young teenager. I did not ask God with words I just waited for God to widen my imagination, which, I would later discover, is what faith is, especially as we get older.
I wondered what an 18 year old would have said to Gabriel. They are already disappointed by people, friends, their tribe, faith communities and life; let alone a 50 year old. Faith tends to be easier for the young. I guess that is one of the reasons he came asking me. It is easier for a child untainted by the cynicisms of life’s cold and harsh realities to say, “YES.”
But I still needed an explanation; human beings are always in need of more information as if that makes faith easier. You still have to say YES. I mean, how could this be? I had not been with a man sexually yet. I was looking forward to it but, honestly, I was a virgin. He explained “how” it was to happen. I admit I was dizzy processing this encounter and did not hear all that much of what he had said. Time stood still, it was very surreal to me. Everything was spinning and blurry. I heard phrases like; “highly favored,” “full of grace,” “Son of the Most High,” “The Holy Spirit,” “kingdom that will never end,” and the naming—“You shall call him Jesus.” I never heard how they were used in sentences I just heard all of these thick words, images, metaphors, hope, futures, my people’s past salvation histories and I kept asking myself is this real? Do I believe this stuff? Are these more than words? More than concepts? More than fable and myth? More than story? More than “Once upon a time” bedtime story designed to comfort and get kids to do what you want them to do, namely, just go to sleep? Is this for real? WHY ME? Why not me?
I could see in his eyes he was very concerned, if not afraid. I remember thinking that was ironic since he told me not to be afraid. In fact there was a tearing in the atmosphere and I saw a whole host of heavenly beings holding their breath. Was I willing to bear God and therefore bear him to the world? I could even see past them to the ONE, who waited for my choice.
Then those words that brought everything into focus in a sheer instant, “For nothing is impossible with God!” As soon as that name and phrase was uttered by the messenger, I knew there was only one thing that I could say. I don’t know how long we were there, it could have been an instant, it could have been half of the night, I don’t really know and I don’t really care! I whispered the words at first almost naively tasting what was to come. As my sentences progressed there was a delightful strength building in the tone of my voice. By the end of my answer my cadence was strong and my resolve was unwavering. My sentences became more buoyant in strength, with grace, faith, hope, love and glory. “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.” In Latin this is the great Fiat mihi. This was a prayer that I spoke. It is the first of five prayers recorded in the first two chapters of Luke’s gospel. I was interrupted---by God, and I embraced it! I became a universe-disturber for good! I said yes! My heart overjoyed with emotions. I have never experienced faith become so personally intense. I could only give tiny words to the great wonders of my soul. I proclaimed in a loud voice of worship later when I went to visit my aunt:
“My soul glorifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the mighty One has done great things for me---holy - is - his - name.”
I said YES to humility, YES to grace, YES to God, YES to Jesus, YES to glory, YES to the great interruption, YES to Hallelujah! My prayer is that this waiting season you too would say YES! Say it with me—YES! A-men!
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